Is sex necessary for a lasting marriage?

A sex census found that sexual confidence peaks between the ages of 60-69. 

Lust and sex, we’re constantly reminded, are far from the preserve of the young. Just ask Dame Helen Mirren, who last year, aged 69, pronounced her sex life “great, just wonderful”; a step up from the ‘‘paranoid and empty’’ encounters of her youth.

Not only are happily married older couples supposedly swinging as madly from the chandeliers as their children, but the silver singles are on Tinder too, these days, having affairs via the Ashley Madison website, or shopping till their arches drop in Agent Provocateur. 

Indeed, psychologists and doctors positively urge us to ‘get it on’ as often as possible, as we get older, for the good of our mental and physical health. Moreover, a ‘‘Sex Census’’ in 2012, jointly funded by Relate and Ann Summers, suggested that most of us are so bogged down in our thirties and forties with mortgage payments and childcare, that it’s only when we hit our fifties, that all systems are truly go. Sexual confidence, it suggested, peaks between the ages of 60 and 69.

Yet, can this riotous image of free love among the Hip Op Generation be the full picture? Not according to a new survey, out yesterday, which found that one in four couples over 50 never make love at all.

If this finding sound bleak, additional research released alongside it should leave us all feeling a bit brighter. Because the ‘sexless seniors’, surveyed, agreed that despite the apparently chilly nights, they couldn’t be happier - revelling in the renewed space this gave to companionship, conversation and humour in their relationship.

Cari Rosen, editor of the website Gransnet, which carried out the research among 634 of its users, aged 51 to 85, said: “While passion is undoubtedly important for most people, it turns out that the glue in successful long-term relationships is compassion, kindness, generosity and friendship – which is advice that people of any age can use.’’

Yorkshire-based housewife Clare*, 54, certainly agrees. She and John, also 54, have been married for 19 years, but haven’t been intimate for the past eight.
“It’s funny to think back on the early days of our relationship and realise how important sex was to us both then,’’ she says now, describing their sexual attraction and adventurous physical relationship as the “glue” that initially bound them together, after they met at work. “I always joked that I noticed his beautiful bum before I even saw his face.’’
Since then, the couple have enjoyed a strong and happy 

marriage, despite “a few bumps in the road” - post-natal 

depression for Clare, after the birth of their now 18 year-old 

son; John being made redundant from his job in engineering 

at 48, which plunged him into a full-scale mid-life crisis. 

“But, on balance, we remain a loving and committed couple.”Lack of sex does not equate to physical distance: “We still need the closeness of sharing a bed every night. We still kiss and cuddle up on the sofa, walk hand-in-hand and enjoy a tactile, physically affectionate relationship.”
So why have they not made love for so long? Clare puts their sex-free existence down to jointly waning libidos. “I went off sex when I was approaching the menopause, which is not untypical. It became uncomfortable and, eventually, undesirable.

For many older couples, sex is no longer the fabric of their relationship.

“John said he understood. He’d just been made redundant and was doing a lot of soul-searching, so I think sex was probably not much in his thoughts then anyway.

‘‘I thought my libido would make a comeback after the menopause but it didn’t. ‘What if it never comes back?’ I asked John in bed one night. ‘It’s nothing to worry about,’ he replied. ‘We’re in our fifties, we’re fit and healthy and still very much in love with each other. I don’t see any benefit in fretting about sex if neither of us is bothered about having it’.’’

Says Clare: ‘‘Sex isn’t how we love each other now; it’s no 

longer part of the fabric of our relationship, and that’s 

absolutely fine because we both feel the same way about it.

‘‘It’s as if we have moved to a place beyond sex. I would worry for my marriage if we weren’t tender and loving in other ways, but we are - and have always been - open with each other about our feelings.”

Not everyone approves of this surrender to non-sexuality. Arlene Heyman, a 73-year-old psychiatrist and psychoanalyst, whose new book Scary Old Sex has just been published by Bloomsbury, told The Telegraph, last week: “Do not let yourself be pushed into the persona of an asexual person. That doesn’t mean flaunt your sexuality. But it’s masochism to accept less than a full life.”

Dr Petra Boynton, a psychologist specializing in sex research, 

is more circumspect. ‘‘There are a number of things which 

connect people,” she said, in response to the 2012 survey, 

“but we are constantly spun this line that the glue to a 

relationship is sex, and without it one’s relationship will fall 

apart, and I think there are a lot of commercial reasons why 

that message is put out. That’s not just insulting, it’s 

pernicious.’’

So what is the “relationship glue” in Clare and John’s life after lust? 

‘‘We used to make love until dawn in the early days. Today, we’d rather put on our boots and head up into the Dales for a long walk and a pub lunch, or catch a flight to Paris or Budapest to explore the city for a weekend.

‘‘We both love cooking and homemaking, taking to the road in our vintage MG, spending time with our son who’ll be leaving for university soon, and dreaming about buying a dilapidated property in France that we can renovate in our dotage.”

Not having sex begins to feel like a sordid secret.

The irony, of course, is that as all manner of sexual behaviour becomes less taboo, not having it at all should feel like it needs to be kept a sordid secret.

‘‘I know people will judge the path we have chosen,” says Clare, who won’t discuss the celibate state of her happy marriage openly, even with close friends. “They will say there must be something wrong, something missing, in a sexless marriage; that there is something unnatural about our celibacy. But that’s not how we see it. So irrelevant is sex to me, in fact, that I don’t even think it would be a deal-breaker if John had it with someone else.

‘‘It would shock me, but it would make no sense to call time on my marriage simply because John had chosen to find, elsewhere, something he knew wasn’t available at home.

‘‘Anyway I’m confident that, like me, he cherishes and respects our relationship, and would be unlikely to put it in jeopardy for something we have both grown to regard as extraneous.’’

And as Dame Helen Mirren well knows,  there is nothing more attractive than confidence. Even sex.

Pope meets Russian Orthodox head after 962 years

                                                                                                                              AP

Delicately dancing around centuries of theological tensions, Pope Francis and Russian Orthodox Patriarch Kirill met in Cuba on Friday and pleaded for world leaders to protect persecuted Christians.

"Thousands of victims have already been claimed in the violence in Syria and Iraq, which has left many other millions without a home or means of sustenance," the Pope and patriarch said in a joint declaration.

"We urge the international community to seek an end to the violence and terrorism and, at the same time, to contribute through dialogue to a swift return to civil peace."

The meeting, which took place at Jose Marti International Airport in Havana, was the first encounter between a pope and a Russian Orthodox patriarch.

"Finally!" Francis exclaimed as he embraced Kirill in the small, wood-paneled VIP room of Havana's airport, where the three-hour encounter took place on Friday.

"We are brothers," Francis added.

The two church leaders kissed one another three times on the cheek, and Kirill told the pope through an interpreter: "Now things are easier."

The Vatican is hoping the meeting will improve relations with other Orthodox churches and spur progress in dialogue over theological differences that have divided east from west ever since the Great Schism of 1054 split Christianity.

Following the meeting, Francis and Kirill issued a joint declaration expressing their concern about the plight of Christians in Iraq and Syria who are being killed and driven from their homes by the Islamic State of Iraq and the Levant (ISIL) group.

In a joint appearance, Francis told reporters he was "grateful for the humility" of Kirill, while praising the Cuban president for hosting the talks. 

"If he continues this way, Cuba will become the capital of unity."

"In a world which yearns not only for our words but also for tangible gestures, may this meeting be a sign of hope for all people of goodwill!"

The joint declaration did not specifically cite the agreement reached on Thursday by Russia and the United States, among other nations, to "cease hostilities" in Syria, the site of a devastating civil war.

But in a possible reference to Iranian and Saudi Arabian factions fighting a proxy war in the Middle East, Francis and Kirill urged all parties involved in the conflicts "to demonstrate goodwill and to take part in the negotiating table."

The meeting is a diplomatic victory for Francis, who has made door-opening dialogue a prominent feature of his foreign policy. But it also carries some risks. Critics have warned that Kirill and Russian President Vladimir Putin, who are close, will use the Pope to boost their profile among Orthodox Christians and popularity in the West.

"The meeting takes place against the backdrop of current Russian military, political, and propagandist actions," said Yury Avvakumov, assistant professor of theology at the University of Notre Dame. "At this moment, it would be useful for Russian leaders to have any public figure who would approach Russia with a 'business as usual' attitude."

Still, many Catholics and Orthodox Christians hailed the meeting and joint declaration as significant steps toward strengthening ties between their traditions, which separated in 1054 after the Great Schism. (Also called the East-West Schism, the split was over theology and the primacy of the pope, whom the Orthodox do not consider the supreme leader of Christianity.)

Patriarch Kirill is not the leader of Orthodox Christianity, a title that technically belongs to Ecumenical Patriarch Bartholomew, who is based in Constantinople and has met with Pope Francis and his predecessors several times. But with a flock of 150 million followers, Kirill leads the biggest, and in some ways the most defiant, branch of Orthodoxy.

The Vatican had tried for decades to meet with Russian patriarchs, amplifying their efforts after the fall of the Soviet Union in the 1990s. But Orthodox leaders accused Catholics of trying to encroach on their turf by planting new churches in Russia and former Soviet satellite countries.

Friday's joint declaration delicately alludes to the tensions between the churches, noting that Orthodox Christians and Catholics "have been divided by wounds caused by old and recent conflicts." But the Pope and patriarch said they were "pained by the loss of unity" among Christians, who have splintered into thousands of denominations since the schism in 1054.

Despite their differences, the vicious persecution of Christians in the Middle East and Africa by the Islamic State and other terrorists reportedly prompted the Russians to consider meeting with their Catholic counterparts.

"We need to put aside internal disagreements at this tragic time and join efforts to save Christians in the regions where they are subject to the most atrocious persecution," senior Orthodox cleric Metropolitan Hilarion told reporters.

Pope Francis has also argued that Christians should come together to protect their persecuted brethren, calling it an "ecumenism of blood."

While pledging not to proselytize -- a fancy word for stealing converts from other faiths -- Francis and Kirill said they are determined to "undertake all that is necessary to overcome the historical divergences we have inherited."

"We are not competitors but brothers, and this concept must guide all our mutual actions as well as those directed to the outside world."

Since his election in 2013, Francis has made concerted efforts to heal the breach between Catholics and Russian Orthodox Christians, telling Kirill in 2014: "I'll go wherever you want. 

You call me and I'll go."

Both sides apparently consider Cuba neutral ground. Kirill is there for an official visit; Francis flew to Mexico, where he will spend five days. He received an exuberant and festive welcome Friday evening.

In a possible preview of the Pope's agenda in Mexico, where he will celebrate Mass near the U.S. border in Juarez, Friday's joint declaration states:

"We cannot remain indifferent to the destinies of millions of migrants and refugees knocking on the doors of wealthy nations."

The historic meeting between Pope and patriarch came less than a year after Francis' first visit to Cuba as Pope. He played a key role in the recent thawing of relations between the United States and Cuba, which re-established diplomatic ties last year.

More troubles for Nigeria and others as Iran oil exports to hit 1.5 mb/d in March

Iran's First Vice President Es’haq Jahangiri

Iran’s first vice president says the country’s oil exports will reach 1.5 million barrels per day (mb/d) next month as Tehran moves to benefit from sanctions relief.

“Today, our oil exports have reached 1.3 mb/d, which will reach 1.5 mb/d by” March, Es’haq Jahangiri said on Saturday.

He added that Iran will be exporting 2 mb/d of oil in the next calendar year starting on March 21.

“Oil exports enhancement was among opportunities created by the JCPOA (Joint Comprehensive Plan of Action)…Iran has to preserve its share in the global oil market,” added Jahangiri.

JCPOA refers to Iran’s landmark nuclear accord with six world powers that took effect in January, paving the way for the lifting of sanctions slapped on Iran.

Sanctions against Iran were imposed by the US and European Union at the beginning of 2012, alleging that there was diversion in Iran's nuclear program toward military objectives; an allegation that Iran categorically rejected.

An oil service worker walks at an Iranian oil production facility.

There has been speculation that Iran’s move to raise oil exports would cut already low oil prices. But Iran is determined to regain its oil market share lost due to the international sanctions.

Oil markets remain oversupplied, a situation which has been fueled by OPEC's refusal to cut output in order to squeeze out high-cost US shale producers.

OPEC left its output ceiling unchanged, in both June and December last year, at 30 mb/d with its estimated actual output standing at 32 mb/d.

Because of overproduction chiefly by Saudi Arabia and non-OPEC producers, there is currently up to 2.5 mb/d of excess oil in the market which has caused crude prices to lose around 60% of their value since mid-2014.

Saudi defends poor female rights record

Saudi Foreign Minister Adel al-Jubeir ©AFP

Foreign Minister Adel al-Jubeir has defended Saudi Arabia's dismal women rights record, saying the kingdom needs more time to improve the situation.

Speaking at the Munich Security Conference on Friday, Jubeir claimed that the kingdom has made progress on female education but the case of permitting women to drive needs more work. 

“When it comes to issues like women’s driving, this is not a religious issue, it’s a societal issue,” Jubeir said. 

He compared the issue of women’s rights in Saudi Arabia to the one in the US, saying women were allowed to vote 100 years after America’s independence while the first female parliamentary speaker was elected a century later.

“I’m not saying ‘Give us 200 years’. I’m saying ‘be patient’,” Jubeir said

“We hope that in the modern world … this process is accelerated, but things take time. We can’t expect to rush things.”

Jubeir said Saudi women now make up 55 percent of college students compared to 1960 when the kingdom had no schools for female citizens.

Riyadh has come under intense pressure by the activist groups for mistreating women. International rights groups say the Saudi regime deliberately deny women basic rights.

Saudi women arrive to attend Jenadriyah Culture Festival on the outskirts of Riyadh, Feb. 8, 2016. ©Reuters

The kingdom is the only country in the world that prohibits women from driving. The ban stems from a religious fatwa imposed by Wahhabi clerics. If women get behind the wheel in the kingdom, they may be arrested, sent to court and even flogged.

In 2012, the then Saudi King, Abdullah bin Abdulaziz Al Saud, announced that women would be given the right to vote and run in municipal elections for the first time in the country. He also appointed 30 women to the country’s top advisory Shura Council before his death in January 2015.

With PressTV

Women purchase more valentine cards than men annually

A report has shown that, women purchase about 85 per cent of an estimated 1.2 billion valentine cards that are sold worldwide annually, Mrs Felicia Bello, the Matron, Landmark University Medical Centre, Omu-Aran, has said.

Bello said this at a health counselling initiative organised for secondary school students in Omu-Aran, Irepodun Local Government Area of Kwara, on Friday, The Guardian reported.

Quoting statistics from the World Greeting Card Association, Bello said the figure had made Valentine’s Day, the second most popular card exchange celebration after Christmas.

She said that the official card purchase figure for Christmas celebration was an estimated 2.6 billion cards globally.

The News Agency of Nigeria (NAN) reports that the counselling activity tagged: “Health Counselling toward Valentine’’ was organised by Landmark University Community Development Impact Initiative (LMUCDII).

No fewer than 150 students participated in the counselling initiative.

Bello said that in spite of the fact that Valentine’s Day celebration had transformed into a global celebration of love, many persons, particularly the youth, celebrated the day wrongly.

“Many people are introduced to habits that will destroy their destiny.

“Many young girls from age 10 years to 15 years are defiled on the night of Valentine’s Day, with some of them ending up with HIV or unwanted pregnancy.

“Many are initiated into cultism and other wicked associations — some unknowingly — as such celebrations usually start at odd hours,” she said.

The matron, therefore, cautioned the students to shun all the negative and anti-social aspects of Valentine Day’s celebration.

She urged them to only embrace those positive aspects which had to do with sharing of affection, gifts, food items and even ideas that could enhance their future.

A resource person, Mrs Olubunmi Joseph-Fadipe, who presented a paper on “Valentine, Love and God’’, urged the students to always allow God be their guide in their day-to-day activities, particularly on Valentine’s Day.

She bemoaned the fact that most Valentine Day’s celebrations nowadays had negated the original objectives of its innovators, saying that the development was doing more harm than good to the society.

Joseph-Fadipe said: “Today’s Valentine’s Day celebration, especially in this part of the world, has been hijacked by anti-social vices.’’

In his remark, Pastor Abiodun Okunola, the Chairman of LMUCDII, said that the counselling activity was aimed at sensitising the students to the need to eschew ungodly habits in their celebration of Valentine’s Day.

He said that the institution, through the initiative, had made donations to orphanages, while looking at practical ways of making agriculture more attractive to the youth, in partnership with Omu-Aran Youth Forum.

“It is our belief that with the education and information which the students were able to garner from the counselling, they would be able to jealously safeguard their future,” Okunola said.

Speaking, Oluwatomisin Jegede, a student of Landmark University Secondary School, Omu-Aran, said that the counselling activity had greatly enhanced her knowledge on the positive and negative aspects of the Valentine’s Day celebration.

The schools which participated in the programme include Omu-Aran High School; Government Secondary School, Omu-Aran; Government Christian College, Omu-Aran; Victory Model College; Aperan Comprehensive College and Ofe-Aran Commercial College.