Sunday, 21 February 2016

If Louis van Gaal loses against Shrewsbury or Midtjylland, Manchester United will sack him - Harry Redknapp

If Louis van Gaal loses against Shrewsbury or Midtjylland, Manchester United must sack him - he's only keeping the seat warm for Jose Mourinho anyway
                                                                  Photo: GETTY IMAGES
Feeling the heat: Van Gaal has been unable to reverse Man Utd's decline
The word in football is that Jose Mourinho and Manchester United is already a done deal, so it is a question of how much longer Louis van Gaal can survive as manager.
Mourinho is expected to go in at the end of the season and faces a huge rebuilding job to turn United into a force again because these last few years have been desperate.
Van Gaal is approaching the end game and if he loses against Shrewsbury or Midtjylland there will surely be no more excuses for the United board.
United should be murdering teams like Shrewsbury and it really underlines how bad the situation is that we are all talking about a potential upset.
I’ve seen Shrewsbury this season, when they beat Cardiff in an earlier round of the FA Cup, and they should not be causing United any problems. They have also been beaten 7-1 by Chesterfield in League One so it’s not as if United are facing an Oxford United or Northampton Town who are at the top of their game.
I fully expect United to beat Shrewsbury and Midtjylland to avert the crisis for a few more days, but what does it prove? Van Gaal's time is coming to an end regardless of what the next two results against minnows are.
He came in as one of the great managers in world football and it’s only his past reputation that has kept him in a job now. I think he would have been long gone if United's board didn’t believe there was a slim chance the players would start responding to him again.
The performance in Denmark was another poor one, coming so soon after a bad result at Sunderland, and it just seems to be lurching from one problem to another.
Midtjylland are no mugs, as they proved earlier this season by beating Southampton in the Europa League play-off round, but United should beat them comfortably in the return leg. But it seems to be a case of simply delaying the inevitable for Van Gaal.
Mourinho will have a massive task on his hands if, as expected, he does succeed the Dutchman as manager.
They have spent over £300 million under David Moyes and Van Gaal but are nowhere near where they want to be. They are way off it, no more than a fourth or fifth-placed team in the Premier League.
Whether it was the manager, or head of recruitment, who signed all these players, somebody has to put their head above the parapet and admit to it. If you worked in a company and spent millions making bad decisions you’d get the sack, so why should it be any different for football?
Mourinho will need to tear it up and start again because there is no evidence of a team there any more. They are miles away from Manchester City, who have five or six fantastic players, and will probably add another three or four more when Pep Guardiola comes in over the summer.
Where do United go with that team now? All that money spent on average players. Memphis Depay thinks he’s way better than he is, so they tell me, and Anthony Martial has been no world-beater either.
Apart from the goalkeeper, I can’t see any world-class players and if David de Gea decides to up sticks this summer then they will be in a right mess.
They’ve still got a chance of sneaking a top-four place to get back in the Champions League but the current top four looks pretty much set in stone.
If United do finish outside the top four they will have huge problems because players won’t want to go there, despite the undoubted standing of the club in world football.
It’s going to need Mourinho and his super-agent, Jorge Mendes, to work out some pretty eye-catching deals, that’s for sure!
After these two banana skins United will face Arsenal next Sunday and that’s a huge game for Arsene Wenger, if he’s got any ambitions of winning the title.
Leicester and Spurs are bang in there for the title and Wenger can’t afford any more slip-ups. I fully expect him to be facing Van Gaal, who should win the next two games comfortably, in the opposite dug-out.
If he suffers one or even two upsets, there’s something badly wrong but it appears he’s merely keeping the seat warm for Mourinho anyway.
I must finish this week’s column with a remarkable story – on Sunday I watched my grandson Harry play football for his team in the morning, as I always do.
A scout from one of the country’s top clubs was there and approached two parents, giving them a card and telling them to call him when their son became five years old. The lad concerned is only two!
If he turns out to be the next Gareth Bale then that scout is a genius, but come on! I realise there is now a massive focus on recruitment but that is absolutely crazy.

Adele to Mariah Carey: why we love big voices

Adele is unrivalled among today’s balladeers; 
Adele is unrivalled among today’s balladeers 

What makes the sound of Adele, Aretha and Mariah so spellbinding? Tracey Thorn explores the power of singing

In Jim Cartwright’s 1992 play The Rise and Fall of Little Voice, the lead character gets her nickname for her shyness. When Little Voice sings, she takes on the identities of Edith Piaf, Judy Garland and Shirley Bassey, singers with the biggest of big voices.
This transformation releases everything buried inside her, which is exactly what big voices do for us as listeners. Those singers who can go deeper and higher than anyone else, hit the big notes at full strength and hold them longer than anyone else – they amaze and impress us like Olympic athletes.
Adele, who is about to begin her first tour since 2011, currently belts out a ballad like no one else, but in an unfussy, unadorned style, proving that thought and discretion can still be integral to singing success.
Mariah Carey’s singing technique has inspired a whole generation of talent show contestants 
Mariah Carey’s singing technique has inspired a whole generation of talent show contestants
Meanwhile Mariah Carey, a different kind of big voice, will soon be singing live in the UK for the first time in 13 years. More about range than volume, she is famous for a five-octave span, which reaches up into the “whistle register”, higher even than falsetto.
This sometimes seems to me more like trick cycling than music, but there’s no denying how influential it became, and her trills and curlicues and melisma – using lots of notes to sing one single syllable – set the template for many pop singers who followed her, and are the norm for most contestants on The X Factor and The Voice.
But why do we love these big-voiced singers so much? In fact, why do we love all singers so much? Why do we pay them so much more attention than other performers, other musicians, devoting whole evenings of prime-time television to watching them compete with each other, singling them out from bands to give all the interviews, garner all the praise?
I have a theory that it’s because they do something we can all do, but better. As listeners, we share the same musical equipment as singers. We all have voices, we probably even sing a bit, even if just Happy Birthday. We come close to being able to do what singers can do, and so we see ourselves reflected in them.
Those singers with the great big voices? They are us, but bigger and better, maybe even physically so. Maria Callas was once described as having a mouth shaped like a Gothic cathedral. Ironically, of course, this thing we share with singers is what makes them so vulnerable to inward-looking anxieties, and they are a neurotic bunch (I am allowed to say this, being one of them).
Edith Piaf in 1960
                                                                       Edith Piaf in 1960
It all comes from having to work with imperfect materials. Musicians buy the best instruments they can afford – Stradivarius violins, Steinway pianos – which have been designed and built for purpose. They then take infinite care of them, buying airline seats to keep their cellos out of the hold, keeping guitars in humidity-controlled environments. But singers have to use parts of their own anatomy – lungs, throat and vocal cords – which are really meant for breathing and swallowing and the avoidance of choking.
Every singer is like a one-man skiffle band, with tea-chest drums and rubber-band strings, trying to make something of nothing, trying to fashion an instrument out of what happens to be to hand, just waiting for the moment when it will fail. And fail it will, at some point.
Every time a singer catches a cold, or has an allergy, or just has to deal with the normal daily appearance of phlegm (I’m sorry, but you can’t talk about singing without talking about phlegm) the voice is compromised, and when you add the tiring effects of singing night after night on tour, it is not surprising that singers worry about voice loss.
A drummer with a cold can still do the gig, for the singer it means cancelling.  So they become neurotic about their voices, and I suspect those who have big reputations, especially for their apparently superhuman voices, become even more anxious about failure.
We all love stories of celebrities and their unreasonable backstage demands. Mariah Carey, for instance, has something of a reputation for diva behaviour – and among the presumably apocryphal demands for the removal of certain-coloured M&Ms, you’ll find countless stories of singers who have asked for whole rooms to be redecorated, filled with flowers and candles, rugs and lamps, or temperature-controlled (Mariah apparently likes 75F, BeyoncĂ© 78F).
But maybe these are signs of neurosis as much as celebrity ego: the insularity and obsessiveness common to singers. Stuck in the dressing room, not allowed to speak to anyone before a performance, sweating over your humidifier, watching the band swig Jack Daniels while you have a herbal tea, maybe you too would care what colour it was painted.
The real danger for most pop singers is that they are untrained, unlike classical singers who learn how to breathe and project, and so run terrible risks with the talent they have. Whitney Houston, who died in February 2012, sounded to me sublime and effortless when I first heard Saving All My Love for You.
Like many listeners I was wowed by the accuracy and punch of her singing, and the apparent ease. Critic Simon Frith described her “swinging through a ballad like a trapeze artist”, which conveys something of the panache of a great singer.
But it seems we were all taken in. The years took their toll on her voice, but it wasn’t just smoking and drugs that did the damage – it was the very way in which she sang. I’ve seen several vocal experts talk about the wrongness of her singing, the absence of technique, and it astonished me.
Straining too hard for high notes, she reached for them at full power, singing with the larynx high, tension in the neck and face. The fact that you could see her vibrato as she wobbled her jaw was apparently a dead giveaway to all that was wrong, pointing to the excessive effort which did the harm.
Adele performing at the Grammys in February
Adele performing at the Grammys in February
Worryingly, Adele has already experienced vocal problems – a polyp and a haemorrhage, requiring surgery in 2011. She has said the treatment made her sound smoother, that she lost a bit of rasp, but gained a few extra notes and now takes better care of her voice.
Perhaps she’ll be fine, trouble isn’t inevitable. For proof that vocal longevity is possible, look no further than Aretha Franklin. Possessed of a voice big in every sense – a river-deep-mountain-high of a voice, influential, inspirational – she sang recently, aged 73, at an event to honour Carole King, and the footage of her performance of A Natural Woman took the internet by storm.
She walks on stage carrying a sequinned handbag, wearing a floor-length mink coat, plays the opening churchy piano chords, and within seconds has reduced both Carole King and Barack Obama to tears. As she begins to sing, you sense her astonishing power but even more than that, her control of that power, her understanding of the use of volume and tonal variation.
And so she paces herself, only starting to really soar on the middle eight, and as she does so the coat comes off and is thrown to the floor and the audience rises as one, literally uplifted by her singing. At that moment you see what a proper big voice can do, the transcendent and unifying effect it has on us, and how grateful we are, how much we need it.
But let’s be honest, not everyone is Aretha. Big singing has become the default style of pop singing on talent shows, which are dominated by belters, and here I think the appeal has more to do with danger than transcendence.
Dame Shirley Bassey
                                                                              Dame Shirley Bassey
There is something spine-tingling about listening to a newcomer attempt a huge song, like watching someone walk out on to the highest diving board when you don’t even know whether they can swim.
We are like the crowd at the circus, drawn to the possibility of disaster, with our fist in our wide-open mouth, wondering whether it will all go wrong, half-hoping it will, monsters that we are. And despite all that, sometimes I’d love to have a great big skyscraper of a voice, that could sing one of those gargantuan Sia tracks like Chandelier, and could be described, as Richard Burton once said of Elizabeth Taylor, as “too bloody much”.
I used to try to sing like Patti Smith and Siouxsie Sioux, until I realised that in fact I’m an intimate crooner, a whisper-in-your-ear kind of singer, with limited range and not much in the way of volume. Yet my singing is often liked and trusted by those who are suspicious of vibrato-fuelled screamers.
Listeners who suspect they are being hoodwinked by scale and grandeur sense an absence of fakery in my kind of singing, and the presence of complicated or subtle emotions.  And so when I think I would like to exchange my voice for another’s I know what I risk losing, and I also know that I am falling into the trap of imagining any singer gets the same joy from their voice as the listener.
After all, I’d love to sing like Dusty Springfield, and she is quoted as saying: “All I know is that I have a distinctive voice I don’t particularly like listening to.” That’s a heartbreaking thought, and one sadly shared by many singers. I told you we’re a neurotic bunch. So I will never be Adele, but I will keep watching and listening to her, with my fingers crossed that her gorgeous sound survives the years and the rigours of touring.
And if, God forbid, her voice should fail her at any point, I’m hoping she’ll become some kind of television star. Watching her with Graham Norton, and then in the Carpool with James Corden, her humour self-deprecating, her cackle as huge and heartfelt as her singing, I thought: “If some sad day in the future, I couldn’t pay to hear Adele sing, I think I’d happily pay to hear her laugh.”


Extreme Weather: 6 dead from Tropical Cyclone Winston

This map showed a forecast track for the storm from early Sunday through early Wednesday Fiji time.
This map showed a forecast track for the storm from early Sunday through early Wednesday Fiji time.

Six people were killed in Fiji when Tropical Cyclone Winston struck the island nation, according to the United Nations' Office for the Coordination of Humanitarian Affairs. The storm was the most powerful on record in the Southern Hemisphere.

Authorities believe the brunt of Tropical Cyclone Winston, which struck Saturday night, has passed. Now comes the arduous task of assessing and cleaning up the damage inflicted by the most powerful storm on record in the Southern Hemisphere.
    Fiji will close all its schools for one week after the storm struck the island nation, the country's Ministry of Rural and Maritime Development and National Disaster Management said.
    Winds that reached 296 kilometers per hour (184 mph) lashed the tiny island nation in the Pacific, felling trees, knocking out power and causing heavy flooding, the Joint Typhoon Warning Center reported.
    "Winston was a monster of a cyclone," Fiji resident Nazeem Kasim told CNN. "I have not experienced anything like this before in my life, nor has my 60-year-old father."
    Fiji Prime Minister Frank Bainimarama declared a state of emergency that will be in effect for 30 days, according to the Fiji Times.
    A nationwide curfew remains in effect as emergency crews clear roads of downed trees and restore power. The curfew is expected to be lifted at 5:30 a.m. Monday local time. All civil servants were expected to return to work after the curfew is lifted.
    Nadi International Airport will open for passenger processing Monday morning.
    The storm wreaked havoc on the tourist hot spot and could still end up hitting the South Pacific nation even more over the coming days.
    CNN meteorologist Michael Guy said Winston is expected to "keep strength as it continues on its path in open waters," but said "it will weaken Tuesday or Wednesday once it hits cooler waters and stronger shear."
    Winston's 184-mph winds smashed the previous record for a Southern Hemisphere cyclone. According to Colorado State University hurricane expert Philip Klotzbach, both Cyclone Zoe, which battered the Solomon Islands in 2002, and Cyclone Monica, which walloped Australia in 2006, previously shared the record with their estimated winds of 178 mph.
    Had it occurred in the Atlantic, Winston would have been a Category 5 hurricane, but because of hemispheric nomenclature, it's dubbed a cyclone.
    So far, the government has reported only one fatality -- in Nabasovi, on Koro Island.
    "It is likely that smaller villages across Fiji will have suffered the most, given their infrastructures would be too weak to withstand the power of a category 5 cyclone," said Suva resident Alice Clements, a spokeswoman for UNICEF in the Pacific.
    "Families may have lost their homes and crops, therefore leaving them without shelter, food and a livelihood."
    Although not hit directly, the capital Suva endured damaging gale-force winds, heavy rain and power outages. Clements, who was in Suva when the storm struck, said the city experienced "destructive, howling winds, and the sound of rivets lifting from roofs a constant throughout the night."
    More than 1,200 people were in evacuation centers around the country, the disaster management ministry said.
    The Colonial War Memorial Hospital in Suva suffered extensive water damage, and the roof of a local hospital was blown off in the northwestern town of Ba, said Sune Gudnitz, head of the U.N. Office for the Coordination of Humanitarian Affairs Regional Office for the Pacific.
    Widespread flash flooding and coastal inundation -- flooding in normally dry land -- "is likely as storm surges may push the sea inland several hundred meters," the Red Cross said.
    The western city of Nadi, on Fiji's main island, suffered minor wind damage but experienced extensive flooding, TVNZ reported.
    "This is a mountainous nation, and that means any heavy rainfall will filter down to the lower elevations -- meaning landslides, mudslides and flooding," told CNN.
    Fiji, an archipelago collectively about the size of New Jersey, lies in the South Pacific Ocean some 1,800 miles from Australia's east coast.
    Most of the nation's 900,000 residents live on one of two main islands: Viti Levu or Vanua Levu.

    'I bleach my eyebrows every day': Lady Gaga

    'I bleach my eyebrows every day': Lady Gaga, pictured in New York on Wednesday, revealed her beauty routine to Vogue 
    'I bleach my eyebrows every day': Lady Gaga, pictured in New York on Wednesday, revealed her beauty routine to Vogue 

    Lady Gaga bleaches her eyebrows 'every day'.

    The Til It Happens To You hitmaker has revealed the strict beauty routine she sticks to, which keeps her brows looking fabulous.

    She told Vogue magazine: 'I bleach my eyebrows every day - I like to keep them light. They're more versatile for a beauty look. You can draw [your eyebrows] any way you want when they're bleached.'

    And whilst Lady Gaga has a wealth of beauty tips, she previously insisted she would never release her own clothing collection because she has too much 'respect' for fashion designers.

    She said: 'The thing is, at the end of the day, I have a real respect for fashion designers. And it's the reason I don't have my own line and the reason I never will.

    'If I ever do anything in fashion, it will always just be as a muse or as an aesthetic, creative. I like to be a part of helping artists find themselves and feel good about who they are. 

    'I would never for a second claim to be proficient in fashion design [just] because I know good looks.

    '[One of the things] I've really learned from Brandon is that he's able to see in me this extremely kind of girlish, feminine side of myself that I don't naturally see because I'm more of an imaginative person, and I don't really identify one way or another with my fashion.' 

    The Applause Singer has been having an incredible 2016 on top of her Golden Globe win for FX's AHS: Hotel, and engagement to fiancé Taylor Kinney.

    Lady Gaga also modeled on the Marc Jacobs catwalk this week, following her David Bowie tribute at the Grammys, and belting the Star-Spangled Banner at Superbowl 50. 

    The heavily-tattooed millennial - along with Diane Warren - will next compete at the Academy Awards for Best Original Song (rape documentary The Hunting Ground).

    'I had had my own situation with sexual assault, and I felt compelled to be a part of [the film]. I called [Lady Gaga] and she was kind and brave enough to be a part of it as well with me,' the eight-time Oscar nominee told The Hollywood Reporter.

    INEC Declares David Mark Winner

    The
    The Independent National Electoral Commission (INEC) has declared David Mark winner of the Benue South Senatorial re-run election held on Saturday.

    Senator Mark polled a total of 84,192 votes, to beat Daniel Onjeh of the All Progressives Congress (APC) with 71,621 votes, Channel News reported.
    The returning Officer of the electoral body, Mr Ishaq Eneji, while declaring the result, said that Senator Mark met all the requirements during the conduct of the poll, having majority of the total vote cast.
    However, the APC agent contested the validity of the result declared.
    Responding to the victory and call for supplementary election in the cancelled polling units, Senator Mark said that his election reflected the will of the people.
    The declaration of the re-run election in favour of Senator Mark brings to a close the intense political fireworks prior to the election with both parties trading accusations on plot to manipulate the polls one way or the other, in the report.
    The re-run election followed a Court of Appeal’s judgment which nullified the election of Senator Mark as the Senator representing the zone in an earlier election held on March 28, 2015.

    Senator Mark was the Senate President during the last administration of former President Goodluck Jonathan who was defeated in a comeback bid in the 2015 presidential election by President Muhammadu Buhari of the All Progressives Congress.